Lifedance Journey

Jen Kissam
Aug 9, 2020
5 min read

Updated: Jun 23, 2021

Never before has everything I thought I knew about myself, my state of being, my purpose, my livelihood been put to the test as it was this past year. It was the most challenging and liberating time of my life, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

2019 started with an all systems meltdown that rocked my world, my Y2K of sorts.

According to medical diagnoses, my symptoms were from an autoimmune disorder called Graves disease. Grave danger must have been derived from this term because, for me, that’s what it was. Conventional doctors told me that my condition was irreversible and that medication and possibly radiation were my only options. How could this be?

I’d dedicated myself the past two decades as an advocate for wellness and a model of health. I was doing all the things. Throughout my life, I'd competed in state track competitions, run 10K races, led hikes up steep rocky ledges, and taught aerobic classes in 100-degree heat. I prided myself on my athleticism. Who was I if I wasn’t healthy? How could I lead others to better wellness if I felt weak? How would I support my livelihood? At 109 pounds, I was literally shrinking away. I was embarrassed for my friends or family to see me in this state, ashamed they would think that I’d gone to extremes.

The scariest part, I’d lost so much weight, when I saw my reflection in the mirror, I couldn't bear to look.

Who was that person staring back at me?

My brain was foggy and spiraling out of control with paralyzing thoughts.

I questioned everything as I struggled to regain some clarity.

After days and weeks of scrambling to find answers and struggling, waiting to get help, I was weak, anxious, overwhelmed, scared. I felt alone. I knew I had nowhere to turn but inward.

I could focus on being sick or concentrate on being well.

I chose wellness.

After all, I was born for this. Everything in my life until now had prepared me for this moment.

It was like the universe saying to me, "Okay, now prove yourself." Was this my rite of passage?

I questioned everything. Could there be a deeper cause? A better way? A natural solution without detrimental side effects? I dove deeper into my resource books, researched online, and found a naturopathic doctor willing to listen and support me in taking a different approach.

I utilized every holistic tool in my bag. I summoned all of my superpowers, including diet modification, movement, rest, meditation, mindset, supplementation, detoxification, and essential oils that supported my emotional body as well as physical.

I cried; hard.

I forgave myself.

I forgave those who I felt had hurt me with the freeing aroma of spruce and bergamot over my heart.

I danced every emotion.

I spoke to God and angels infused with the scent of Frankincense.

I hugged my kids and husband and trees for dear life.

I bathed in the sanctuary of the forest and planted my bare feet in the Earth.

I surrendered.

The way I see and think of my body changed.

I celebrated every decimal gained on the scale, feeling guilty for the times I'd wished to lose a pound.

Food was no longer a social pastime; it was survival medicine.

I laughed deep belly laughs watching silly tv shows that I previously thought were a waste of time.

I sipped herbal tea by the fire and soaked in aromatic baths.

I painted art with the aroma of wild orange.

I felt so much gratitude.

Grateful that I had found a livelihood that afforded me flexibility for self-care.

Grateful for my loving family, who gave me space to heal.

I imagined the future life I wanted to feel, and I felt it.

I allowed.

I focused on receiving wellness into every cell of my being.

I looked at images of me healthy and well and imagined having that now.

When friends asked how I was doing, I responded with, "I’m getting healthier and stronger every day."

My definition of healing changed. I previously saw healing as only for the sick.

Our magnificent bodies and the powers of be that reside within us are at work every second of every day in sickness and health.

We are always healing.

One of the hardest things I had to overcome was accepting help from friends or family when I needed it. I was used to being the care provider.

I expressed sincere gratitude for the tiny steps I made every day, for having energy for the daily activities I previously took for granted.

Getting out of bed, taking a shower, getting dressed, walking to the mailbox, driving the kids to school, shopping for groceries each of these became monumental milestones.

I breathed deeply, stretched, and gently moved my body every day.

Day by day, I continued to experiment, trust, and improve.

I believed.

Through a year of transformational work and recovery, I’m able to share my story with you. It’s not easy for me to dwell in that space. Like muscle memory, I feel my healthy habits helped me pivot so quickly. More than that, I know deep down it was my belief and mindset that helped me overcome.

The truth is, I had a hunch in my gut that these physical symptoms were stemming from something much more profound. Like tremors before a quake, I’d sensed the signs coming days, months, even years earlier. Yet, I continued to ignore my body, pushing myself to extremes physically while packing in layers of emotional sediment. I'd felt the pull; I knew in my heart that I wasn't living up to my fullest potential. I was dimming my light when I was being called to shine. I'd resisted "putting myself out there" for so long for fear of being judged that my ego and spirit were at war with each other. My body called a truce.

True fulfillment comes from stretching our edges and moving beyond our ego.

Instead of "Who am I to share?" The question we all should be asking is, "Who am I not to share?"

The work I’ve been put on this Earth is so much bigger than me, requiring me to move past my reservations daily in a healthy way.

I’m finding my voice again, and it’s getting stronger every day.

Of course, the tools allowed my body to do the work it’s designed to do best, but ultimately in losing my identity, I found myself.

My unwavering belief, my mindset, mission, and vision for Lifedance carried me through to emerge stronger, wiser, and with an even greater sense of purpose and understanding of the power that resides within me.

When push comes to shove, who are you at your core?

I'm here to help you discover that for yourself.

Because, when you strip away the layers of conditioning, the stories, the labels, the diagnosis, the fears, all that’s really left is YOU.

I am a Lifedancer. And so are YOU.

You have a story to tell, wisdom to share, and gifts that will change the world for the better.

Now is your time. I believe in you. Let's thrive together.

In the dance with you,

-xo

P.S. Resources:

Heal documentary: https://youtu.be/s5Hpm-6Inxc

EFT/Tapping https://youtu.be/XRfLTQjJhp0

Natural Endocrine Solutions: https://www.naturalendocrinesolutions.com